Dreaming of our Rainbow Baby

As you may know, I suffered a miscarriage in July. Since then my emotions have been on a roller coaster. Initially, I was simply relieved to have everything over with so I could start to feel like myself again and I could begin to heal. Then, to sooth my pain I quickly I began daydreaming of my rainbow baby. I assumed we would conceive the very next month and all the cute little footies pajamas I bought would no longer bring me pain of a child loss, but hope of a future. 

Unfortunately, things just are not working out that way. When I took my first pregnancy test after our loss it was a heart shattering devastation when the words “Not Pregnant” appeared. I felt robbed and many tears flowed. While I have physically healed, emotionally I feel broken and empty. My womb aches to nourish and shelter life again. It's hard for me to even put into words the devastation when my intense joy at conceiving was shattered and just a few weeks later my womb was empty. I pray to soon feel that joy again and fear I will be terrified every time my stomach aches. 

Miscarriage has also made me painfully aware of how blunt people can be. With my son having just turned 19 months old strangers are starting to question when the next baby is planned. Literally strangers! In one breath they complement my son’s smile and in the next breath they have the nerve to tell me “looks like it’s time for another”, or “you don’t want to wait too long”. Without fail I am shocked by their boldness and stumble over my words for an answer. More than once I have bit my tongue to stop myself from telling them my last baby died and I’m desperately praying for a healthy child. Instead I smile and nod in agreement as I quickly excuse myself from the situation before tears come. Why must everyone have an opinion? Even people who know what we have been through seem to forget themselves as they joke in conversation about how Luke is ready for a sibling. I know! That is why we conceived months ago. 

Unfortunately, I have found that little has eased my pain except the passage of time. Every day that passes I pray God will bless us soon with a healthy baby. For as difficult as pregnancy can be, I long to feel those first flutters of life. I believe a new healthy pregnancy will help me heal the deepest of my aches. If I had not lost our baby I would now be in the second trimester with a cute little baby bump and eagerly awaiting news of gender. Thoughts like that cause me the greatest pain, longing for what I wish was. 

Please pray for us and our sweet rainbow baby. Pray my anxiety will not be suffocating, fearing another loss. And please pray that God gives me strength to take the test each month without being crushed should the result be negative. 

Bible verses that bring me hope and encouragement:

God has you in the palm of His hand. Isaiah 49:16

I prayed for this child. 1 Samuel 1:27

'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

#baby #babyboy #miracle #rainbowbaby #blessed #babygirl #prayer #love #miscarriage #loss #Bible #miraclebaby

Returning to Work:The Struggle is Real

Whether you are driven by finances, career goals, or familial obligation; returning to work after maternity leave is PAINFUL. Emotionally and physically. You just spent the better part of a year growing another person within your body. You protected them, nourished them, and cherished a special bond unlike any other. It is difficult to express in words what it feels like when you are forced to separate from someone who literally was a part of you. This struggle is magnified by the delicate innocence of childhood. Everything within you wants to hold your child close, protect them from harm, and celebrate every milestone. Unfortunately, the financial structure of most homes makes this impossible. Mother's are forced to return to work while their babies are still newborns. This intense struggle has been termed "mom guilt," but it is so much more then guilt. It is a feeling of shear inadequacy-- you want to be mommy 100% of the time while simultaneously providing for the family, preparing all the meals, AND keeping the house looking immaculate.

I spent the 20 years prior to the birth of our son picturing a life where I worked 5 days a week and came home to cuddle my baby before bed, then cherished weekends as a family. But the moment Luke was born that image shattered. He is my beating heart outside my body and I immediately wanted to be with him every minute of every day. Working as a doctor went from my dream, to something that prevented me from being with my son.

I knew I needed balance, a way to nourish both my career and my maternal bond. Thankfully, I was looking to start a new job at the time so I was able to make it clear I was only interested in part time work and return to work slowly. My first day back at work Luke was 16 weeks old and exclusively breastfed (more on that later). The first month I only worked 1 day per week, and even that was excruciating. My first day at work, I texted and called hourly to ensure Luke wasn't screaming inconsonsolably. He did excellent! I held him the rest of the night. Each proceeding week the separation became a little better, but it has never lost it's sting. Eventually, I picked up more shifts until I found the balance I was searching for. Two or three days each week Luke spends time with a family friend while I take care of children at a pediatric clinic. Although, I still deeply miss Luke when we are separated, I actually find I am a better mother because of this balance. I never knew how nice it would be being able to use the restroom alone and getting to eat my meal while it is still warm!!!

The biggest challenge I faced during my return to work was that Luke refused all bottles. It didn't matter the shape of the nipple, temperature of the milk or who offered it. He refused it with venom! To prevent my 4 month old from becoming dehydrated his babysitter resorted to feeding Luke with a medicine syringe. When we were finally reunited he would nurse immediately and cluster feed for the rest of the evening!  When he became hungry he would cry for hours on end each day I worked and I felt like I was starving my child. Every week I prayed he would take a bottle, he never did... Relief came when Luke was about 6 months old and able to eat solids, between babyfood and an ounce of water his hunger was kept at a manageable level until we were reunited. THEN at about 9 months old I learned about Kabrita! This is not an ad, it is our honest story. Kabrita is a goats milk formula which is easy on the belly and sweet like breastmilk; Luke LOVED it! Imagine my surprise that Luke would happily drink this formula from a bottle, but only wanted breast milk straight from the tap. With the help of Kabrita and a variety of solid foods, Luke was no longer Hungary, and my son learned to look forward to his time at the babysitter and playing with his friends. 

Separation from your child may never feel natural, and has never gotten easy, but balance is the key. If your finances allow try to return to work slowly. Also if possible look for childcare near your place of work so that you can breast or bottle feed your baby on breaks. Those sweet snuggles will help carry you through the hours you are a part. You can do this mama!

MommyCon 2017: Tips for dealing with Toddler Feeding and Potty Troubles

With Luke fast approaching his terrible twos, I focused on the toddler sessions at MommyCon this year.  

Toddler Eating Struggles? Here are my top takeaways from the incredible lecture by Speech Language Pathologist and Feeding Specialist Dawn Winkleman. 

• Why are toddlers such picky eaters?
• In the U.S. babies are not given “real” fruits and veggies as much as other countries. The solution, start introducing whole foods to your baby around 6 months of age with the goal of eating only whole foods by 9 months of age. 
• Medical issues such as GERD, constipation, tooth decay, and allergies. 
• Common Mistakes:
• Hiding
• Putting foods such as veggies in desserts instead of on their plate. Children need to see their foods on their plate and your plate to know they are “safe”.
• Forcing
• 2/3 of parents encourage children to eat everything on their plate even if they are overweight. 
• Food rewards
• 85% of parents admitted using food rewards even if their child is overweight.
• Top tips:
• Taste and rotate
• Offer a new food for a few days then rotate to a new one.  After a short break bring the food back.  They may enjoy it even more the next time. 
• Temperature
• Offer frozen veggies for teethers to soothe sore gums. 
• Trash
• Have even young children throw their food away so they can see where it goes. 
• Teach
• Don’t restrict foods, instead encourage healthy ones. 
• Thirsty
• Blend up fruits and veggies in smoothies. 
• Together
• Get your children involved in the cooking process and expose them to new foods. 

Find more incredible tips from Ms. Dawn on http://www.ezpzfun.com/blog/

Wrestling with Potty Training?  Instead of dreading the struggle, approach it well prepared to make the smoothest transition for both of you. Laura Woj, creator of Super Undies and professional potty-trainer shared her wisdom with us. 

• Prepare ahead.  Explain to your child what it will feel like to go to the restroom without diapers on and how they will be sitting on the potty.  Help them understand that accidents are normal and will happen.  Additionally, you need to prepare.  Monitor your child’s toilet habits so you have an idea how frequently your child goes.  This knowledge will save you both a lot of frustration. 
• Go naked AND use potty training pants. While starting naked is a great way to help associate what comes out of their body with the urge, ultimately they need to understand they will be wearing clothing that needs to be moved prior to going. Your goal is to get training pants on by the second day.
• Be intentional.  You need 2-3 days.  During this time stay home with your child and really focus on the task at hand. 
• Limit space.  While potty training, remaining in 1-2 rooms will help you keep a constant visual on your child.  This will help you visualize behaviors that indicate your child needs to go so that you can guide them in using the toilet.
• Unplug from social media.  Again, the more focused you are on your child, the quicker they will potty train. 
• Be patient.  Children need repetition.  Keeping calm and positive will prevent making the experience one that leads to fear behaviors.  Your child will need to be reminded to use the potty 50+ times daily, make sure you are prepared before you start. 

Find more on potty training including a great chart and the best training pants you can buy at SuperUndies.com